January 31, 2018: In The Moment

January 31, 2018 marked Matt’s fifth full day in hospice. Five days of sitting by his bedside, of measuring breaths, of helplessness and hopelessness, and waiting to wake from a nightmare. Five days of reflecting on all the things we had done and all the things we hadn’t had a chance to do. Five days … Continue reading January 31, 2018: In The Moment

January 30, 2018: Without The Glow Of Hope

The letter I wrote to Matt on January 30, 2018 was short, a scant six lines and ninety-seven words. And every time I read it, my heart hurts for that last year version of myself. Because I remember too well the moment that sparked this letter and I remember too well the way the sound … Continue reading January 30, 2018: Without The Glow Of Hope

January 27, 2018: Small Hopes and Delusional Hopes

January 27, 2018 marked Matt’s first full day in hospice. The night before, after that hard conversation, after tucking G and H into bed wondering whether they’d get any sleep overnight, I wrote. But this time, the letter that I wrote wasn’t to Matt. This time, I wrote: to friends—Matt’s college friends, high school friends, … Continue reading January 27, 2018: Small Hopes and Delusional Hopes