On The Other Side of Hope


“The boundaries which divide Life from Death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins?”

– Edgar Allen Poe


This story does not have a happy ending. Our young hero does not survive and love does not conquer all. But I feel compelled to tell the tale anyway. Because for a year we lived with hope–a fair amount of delusion and anguish and fear, but mostly hope.

And I don’t want to forget any part of it. The good, the bad, and the incomprehensible, hopefully remembered through photos, texts, emails, and my own imperfect memory.

This is also for the kids. One day, when they are older. They know their dad fought for them, but how can they understand what that means? There’s no way to distill his last twenty months, why we did what we did and how we survived, into a conversation.

So this is for them.

And me. Because the past haunts me and I am on the other side of hope.

9 thoughts on “On The Other Side of Hope

  1. Elaine-You may not remember me. I attended your wedding. Rob is a good friend and did play tennis with Mattt in LBI. Rob shared your blog with me and it brought tears to my eyes. you write beautifully and you have kept alive his courageous battle against all odds. Unfortunately in my lifetime I have witnessed many friends engaged in the fight against the Big C -some won and some lost. I hope you use your skill with words and emotions to good use-it is a skill and a talent that you should share with others. barry mandelbaum


  2. This is the most raw and intense thing for me! Thank you so much for your honesty and candor. My husband is 38 and still fighting GBM and this is one of the first things I’ve ever read that shows the true nature of what we as wives go through. Thank you!


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